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Can u kiss someone without giving herpes if u have it?

Discussion in 'Dating and Telling a Partner' started by thetruth, Mar 10, 2009.

  1. thetruth

    thetruth Newbie

    If you have oral herpes can u kiss someone without giving them herpes?

    or can u never kiss again? I have heard u can give it even if you are not having a outbreak.

  2. helied2me

    helied2me Well-Known Member

    You don't have to give up kissing, you just have to be aware of kissing with cold sores or prodromal itch and tingling.

    People who actually have cold sore outbreaks will experience the majority of viral shedding at these times.

    People who never get outbreaks are the ones who experience more Asymptomatic Viral Shedding.

    If you do get cold sores, you have a way to know when you could infect someone, keep in mind though, that you can still experience AVS. I have had a relationship for almost 3 years with someone who gets an occasional cold sore, usually from all day sun exposure, and have not contracted it. He usually avoids performing oral on me, but I really don't mind if it means reducing the risk of contracting them genitally.

    I did not check your recent posts to see if you are symptomatic or asymptomatic but try not to stress over it, it just might cause more outbreaks.
  3. hamstead

    hamstead Newbie

    I feel like I am allergic to dating.....


    Every single time I try dating I seem to get an outbreak...It never workds out anyway....Its always the wrong kind of guy for me...So I have given up on the opposite sex...Friends only!!!!!:(
  4. DM00

    DM00 Newbie

    I have such a huge fear of passing it on to someone else, I'm so afraid to kiss someone again. I think that's one reason I don't really put out effort and try to date. Seems easier to just deal with it being single.
  5. chooseyourbattles

    chooseyourbattles Well-Known Member

    Sure you can. Just like you can have sex with someone without giving them herpes if you have it.

    I've been seeing someone with oral herpes for four years and he never gave it to me.
  6. wrestler84

    wrestler84 Member

    The risk is there, which is why it's not a bad idea to let your partner know that you have it. Also definatly hold off on the kissing when you have a cold sore or think one might be coming on.

    The vast majority of people have HSV-1 though, so "the talk" is pretty simple. Mine with my current girlfriend basically went "FYI, I get cold sores every once in a while" and her responding "Okay, well then we won't kiss when you've got one.'
  7. notamused

    notamused Active Member

    this is totally killing me, i feel too guilty to not tell someone before kissing them, even with no symptoms, because of the slight risk/what it would be like having to explain later if they got a cold sore..
    but i feel like not being able to kiss someone doesn't necessarily give enough time for someone to start liking me nearly enough not to just run away, especially when its a 'dating' situation rather than a friends situation...

    i do feel like i shouldnt even bother talking to anyone attractive let alone dating them, the potential humiliation and hurt is too much..
  8. Cameron

    Cameron Active Member

  9. I'm 32 years old and I was recently (2 days ago) diagnosed w/oral & genital herpes and have been in the 'severly depressed' state since then, but I am trying to pull myself up and get myself back on track. What has your experience been w/herpes and dating? I was with the same person for 7 years (neither of us ever cheated) and the first person I was with after that relationship gave me genital herpes, and I autoinoculated myself without ever knowing it. So you can see why this is so depressing. Anyway, I have a date with someone tonight and I'm pretrified about it. Have you been able to date with herpes and still have a positive experience? I'm so scared, I've been crying for the last 2 days and haven't been able to go to work. I want to know if I can have anything close to a normal relationship with someone. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks, I appreciate any help that you can provide. Thank you.
  10. gotitsowhat

    gotitsowhat Well-Known Member

    It's a new "normal"

    Yes, of course you can have relationships. You just have to face up to telling the person before sex. This is awkward and not fun. Many people are embarrassed and fear rejection. And rejection can happen. Of course, before you had herpes, you feared rejection for lots of other things, including things you could not help (ethnicity, body shape, family, etc) anyway. Unfortunately, herpes gives us one more strike against us, a rejection factor and no one wants that. Personally, I hate it. But, on the more positive side, lots of people can accept it. Not everyone will automatically reject you or run screaming over what is, basically, a minor medical condition for most who have it. Some people are not ignorant. Some people understand that a relationship that means anything, that involves any real intimacy, must, sooner or later, deal with each person's baggage, physical and psychological. Not everyone will find hsv baggage intolerable, especially if that person is really right for you. Many people will find herpes a small risk if the relationship is a good one; herpes is very common while good, healthy happy relationships are not so common.
  11. LittleBC

    LittleBC Member

    Haven't been here long but this is the best post I've read on this forum so far. That's an excellent point about personal "baggage."
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