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when is it safe? need some help

Discussion in 'Partners, Family & Friends' started by chicirin, Sep 23, 2010.

  1. chicirin

    chicirin Newbie

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    I dont know if this question belongs in this section or not. My wife had her first cold sore two days ago and is currently still active. weve been together for some time now and sexually active as well only with each other. Ive never had one breakout in my life but that does not mean i might not have it. I love her to death and that doesnt bother me but she will not kiss me until according to her its "safe for me".

    When it is actually safe for me to kiss her? WIll the cold sore be a different color? size?

    She feels kind of down because we are usually hugging kissing and spending affectionate time together but because of this she kinda wants to keep the kissing part aside.

    im sure ima get it eventually if i dont have it already but My concern is to make her happy.
  2. AquariusAngel

    AquariusAngel Active Member

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    Hello and welcome :D

    It is normal for your wife to want to refrain from kissing during this time. Not only is the chance of transmission quite high, but it is never a nice time for the sufferer - take it from me!

    So back on to the cold sores. They go through a process and unfortunately not any stage can be rushed otherwise it just prolongs the healing time. I get mine on my nose, but even then I have not let a bf even kiss me in the past at times like that. Cold sores usually form blisters which will ooze pus. At that stage they are full of infection and should not be touched. Once the weeping has subsided, it will start to form yellow/gold crusting. At the end of that stage, the lesion starts drying up, and only at that time does it spell the end of the infectious stage but I have normally waited until the dry scab has completely come off. It will still be red on the surface after the scab has been removed (and she must not do that too early!) but it is not as contagious as during the above processes.

    She could also speak to her doctor about being on suppressive therapy which further reduces the chances of transmission to a non herpes partner such as yourself.

    May I also suggest some remedies that I have found helpful in reducing the chance of outbreaks..and since I have applied these notions I have not had an outbreak which is huge for me considering I usually have one about every 3 months. My new doctor swears black and blue that oral herpes has two triggers only - too much sunlight and lack of vitamin C. So now I take 3 vitamin C tablets a day, and I also cover my face with sunscreen before I put foundation on etc. In your wife's case, she would also be wise to buy some SPF lip balm and always apply it before she heads out into the sun, even just to water the garden and go to the mail box, not necessarily just when she goes out to the shops etc. She needs to apply it every day, sun or no sun. As I get my infections on my nose, I always ensure the entire area is covered with sunscreen..even up my nostrils lol as I have had outbreaks there too in the past.

    Your wife may find that she also has other triggers and most of us do, and as I suggest to others - ensure she eats well, exercises and gets plenty of sleep and that will help her too.
  3. chicirin

    chicirin Newbie

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    Now what if she has a cold sore and kisses me on other parts of my body not necessarily my lips? Like my arm or cheek? Will I still get it.
  4. RealisticGal

    RealisticGal Well-Known Member

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    Why not go get a type specific blood test so you will know whether or not you already have herpes?

    If you do, as about 80% of the North American population does, then you can both relax about it.

    But I still wouldn't blame her if she doesn't want to get cozy while she has active sores.
    :(
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2010
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