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I'm scared to have sex again

Discussion in 'Dating and Telling a Partner' started by Tandy, Apr 11, 2010.

  1. Tandy

    Tandy No longer a member

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    I just found out I have herpes after being married 28 years faithfully. My husband is great about it all. He knows I did not mess around on him. BUT, I am scared to have sex again. Condoms are not a 100% sure way of not getting it. I'm also afraid of even letting him have oral sex on me. Can he get it on his face? We are both very nervous and I don't know what to expect.
  2. AtreyuCurse

    AtreyuCurse Newbie

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    If you have been married for 28 years and not passed it on then why would you be worried. You're in a loving relationship.
  3. Tandy

    Tandy No longer a member

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    I just recently got it. The doctor said this was a new virus to my system. I have never had any kind of sore, bump, cut or anything. I don't know how I contracted this, but now that I have it, I'm worried about giving it to my husband and so is he.
  4. regret

    regret Well-Known Member

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    your husband nneeds to get tested he may have it already. this virus could have been laying dormant in you for years and decided to show its face.
  5. Tandy

    Tandy No longer a member

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    He's already been tested and is negative.
  6. devastatedbythis

    devastatedbythis No longer a member

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    If you have been faithful for 28 years then how come only now you found out that you have it? sorry something sounds fishy to me.
  7. Tandy

    Tandy No longer a member

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    My Dr. told me I had to have had sex with someone, but I have NOT. I know some people believe there is only one way to get this, but I am living proof that there has to be another way. I love my husband. He is the BEST man in the world! He has never doubted me and has been great through all this. Right now I'm looking for some answers, not judgement.
  8. darkangel2100

    darkangel2100 Active Member

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    It could be that it just layed dormant in your system and flared up now for whatever reason. People talk about all sorts of triggers on here, stress, certain foods, vigorous sex, etc. However it happened I am sorry that it took you by such surprise. It must be even more tough to not know where you got it from.

    It takes time to deal with having the virus and your husband to deal with it. I have genital herpes and my boyfriend does not. He is in love with me and plans on being married to me. He has said he doesn't want to get the virus but if he does it will be okay. He isn't going to let H affect our relationship. I take suppressive medicine and at the beginning we used condoms and refrained from oral sex. Now we do not use condoms (I do take birth control though) and we do have oral sex sometimes. I let him know when I feel an outbreak coming on and then we refrain from sex until it has passed completely and then some.

    Most of us on here are here to offer support and not judge.
  9. anonymous4life

    anonymous4life No longer a member

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    You cannot get HSV-2 without skin-to-skin sexual contact. You can catch oral herpes from kissing, not genital. If you didn't cheat on your husband, then here is what could be happening...

    You said your doctor detected a recent infection. This probably means that the IgM test was positive. These tests are notoriously unreliable. They also cannot tell the difference between herpes 1 (cold sores) and herpes 2 (genital herpes). I would just disregardful the IgM. What you need to do is call your doc and get them to send you the lab print out. What was the results of your IgG test? Was Herpes 2 positive or negative, and what was the index value?
  10. Tandy

    Tandy No longer a member

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    We just found out that my husband has HSV 1 and we never knew it. He can never remember ever having any kind of blister on his mouth or in it. The Dr. said he could have contracted it as a child and doesn't remember having them. Anyway, the last time we had had sex, it felt like his fingernail nipped me. 3 days later I broke out. The Dr. said that mine is also HSV 1 and that the conditions were just right, that I had a nick to the skin that allowed it to enter. I think it's very weird how for 28 years I never contracted this and we didn't have a clue that he had it and that he was not even broke out when we had sex and I still got it. It makes me wonder what is true and what is not that I have been reading about herpes????
  11. RealisticGal

    RealisticGal Well-Known Member

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    Don't need to be afraid to have relations

    The way I understand it, you didn't even need to have that nick to your skin. The vaginal mucosa is susceptible to transfer very easily if your partner is shedding virus. It is just surprising you did not get it sooner. Maybe you did and this is just your first noticeable outbreak.

    Doctors don't know everything. Tests are not absolutely accurate. Your case is evidence of this, since they originally said your hubby did not have herpes ---- but now all of a sudden they say he has had it all along.

    Really, nothing has changed for you two other than that you have had an outbreak of which you are aware.
  12. Denise 07

    Denise 07 Active Member

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    Well I've been married about 14 yrs now and we've been together for 20 yrs and I had my first ever ghsv-1 OB 5 months ago and was so stunned because I never had a cold sore that I can think of and my husband never remembered having them either but we got blood tests done and we both have hsv-1 (old infections) mine said cross-reactivity occured so I'm still confused as to what that really means but here I am and I haven't had another OB since. I'm also faithful to my husband and he swears he has been with me as well and I believe him. I have no reason not to believe him and we don't have new infections so in our case it had to be dormant and my husband must be asymptomatic to it which means he carries the virus without OB's but can spread it so this is how it must have happened to us and that maybe what happened to you guy's as well. It sucks being with someone so long and bam now we know we have an std. We have two children and I just never thought for a second that this would happen after all this time.
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